new birthday beginnings.

My birthday this year was amazing. Initially when my birthday month started, I was extremely sad about it, not going to lie. Every year my birthday is simple. I only want to spend it with family and my best friend. It always consisted of work/school and then a dinner… with my best friend. The past eight birthdays went that way. This year was different, my “best friend” isn’t in my life anymore, and that has been hard in itself to cope with. My birthday felt weird, how was I going to spend this day? Plus, I turned 27, how do you celebrate that? Jokes aside, I just didn’t want anything or to do anything. I wanted to have a little family dinner, where Rubes cooked my favorite food. Of course though, my lovely sister and amazing friend Mary, wanted to do something special for me, considering how I felt. My family and her threw me a surprise birthday party a week before my actual birthday and boy was I surprised. A room full of incredible people. Can’t thank my family and friends for constantly making me feel so loved. As I walked in, my adorable baby brother goes, are you surprised? I managed to get a yes out and held back the tears. I said why? and he quickly responded, you do so much for others, you deserve this. It was the sweetest thing ever, he makes my heart melt. My sister and Mary went above and beyond for the cutest party! I am blessed with amazing siblings. To top off all the amazingness, on my actual birthday, my awesome cousins surprised me from New York! Drove all night to get here one day before, just for me. Blessed doesn’t even begin to to cover how I feel. I have the most amazing people in my life, and they just happen to be my family.

“Don’t grieve, anything you lose comes around in another form” -Rumi

I might not have known what I was doing for my birthday, but I knew exactly what I was going to wear. Confessions of a shopholic, clearly. I went into forever21 and went a little crazy on jumpsuits. I found two that I absolutely adored. As my birthday approached, I knew I wanted to keep it minimal and sophisticated. I opted for the black jumper with my whisper pink blazer. I added the headpiece – had to be a little fancy, it was my birthday after all 🙂  My favorite thing I wore, was my father’s watch. I’ve had my eye on this watch every since I was a little girl. It was in my mothers jewelry box and I would just stare at it, hoping one day it will be mine. It was the watch he wore on his wedding day. Just a year ago my mother took it out and gave it to my brother. I literally cried and was bitter for months, I actually still am. It just happened that my brother gave it to me to get the battery changed. I took this as an opportunity to wear it at least once.  My father got married when he was 27, and the fact I got to wear it on my 27th birthday, made up for the fact that Bilal got the watch. Hey, the connection works for me, let me have it.

Jumper: f21 | blazer: h&m | headpiece: A La Couture | shoes: Steve Madden | purse: Versona

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reflections.

My birthday is approaching and I can’t help but reflect on this past year. Birthdays are funny; I feel as sometimes it’s like New Years or is that just me? They’re exactly that though, the “new” year in your life. Nothing really is different – just like new years, except you’re one year older and hopefully wiser. As I’m reflecting, I wonder if I am wiser, if we truly learn from all our past mistakes? I’ve often heard that people can’t change, but I believe they can. They just chose not to, because it’s easier to stay the same. Whether you feel the need to change or not, it’s happening. Change is constant – probably the only constant thing in our lives.

Change can be good. We’re often forced to face our demons, even if we’re not ready. Perhaps we’re never ready. Heartbreaks, circumstances, new beginnings, abrupt endings, they push us; push us to our breaking points. But that’s the thing, we don’t break, we’re able to endure much more than we realize. And even when we do break, it changes us… for better or for worse? You decide that.

This year has been full of revelations. That the people you thought would be by your side, end up leaving. Whoever said, it is better to be alone than in bad company was correct. How I could ACTUALLY like children. That being stagnant or complacent in your life isn’t good enough. You should want change, you should want more, and you should constantly strive to do better.

Sure, people make you happy, but they aren’t the only source. I stress this because I see it all too much, people running after people. Expecting them to “change” their lives. You should make yourself happy, you should change your own life. You get to a point where you start defining happiness on your own terms. Let that day be now. Erase what you thought and let today be your new year.

Happy birthday.

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