a minimalist perspective.

I scroll and scroll some more. Then I head to another outlet, tap on the picture and patiently wait for it to load and watch the story unfold. I realized an hour had passed keeping up with my peers. It dawned on me how I do indeed enjoy story time but perhpas more meaningful ones…

Is there an obsession with knowing what everyone else is doing? I’m a millennial and I see how our generation and Gen Z feels the need to be connected to everyone and everything, every second of the day. The digital natives have changed the game, they have upped the usage by 75%.  Have we lost all human connection? I know my eyes are tired from all the rolling they do as I scroll my Facebook feed.

I had been obsessed with living a minimalistic life for years, and I always thought how can I really do this? I own entirely too much for starters, but I wanted to declutter my life in every single aspect. To clothes, to jewelry, to people.

Yeah sure, I recognize people aren’t disposable per se, but in a way they are. The moment I turned 29, its as if I had a radar. The second someone was fake to me, my mind would start to beep. It always beeped, but the beeping got louder and louder.

I edit multiple times before I send emails, upload blogs,  and even my journal writings have tons of edits, scratch marks and all. So why would my life be any different? Be a ruthless editor of what you allow in your life, in your home and most importantly in your mind. What does this object mean to me? What does this person mean to me? Why do I continue to give someone space in my LIFE, when given the right time period, this person would give me nothing substantial (too specific?)

So I edited, deleted and kept going.

I guess that’s just it, I’ve never needed a great deal from people. Genuine friendship, appreciation, respect. But the more time passes, I acknowledge how difficult it is for people to give these elements that come so naturally to me. Its harder for me to be fake. It has absolutely drained me. The concept of keeping up with people became a job, people I didn’t even care for, but we continue to follow them on different mediums because we don’t want to offend anyone. I can’t uphold this persona. I can’t remain robotic of scrolling and eye rolling. Why deny myself the simple pleasure of being peaceful ON MY OWN DEVICES?

I’ve still been “documenting” moments in my life that make me feel a variety of emotions, but in a more old school manner. I pull out my journal and jot down how I am feeling in that instance. Whether I am thrilled, bitter, or somber. I follow with why I’m feeling this way and what can I do to change it or channel my energy differently.

No matter how we spin it. We want validation. We want someone to tell us we’re pretty or give us a pat on the back when we accomplish something of an importance. We want the world to validate our emotions. We want someone to approve the things we find joy in, but I don’t want that through an Instagram filter.I want it to be in a genuine more concrete way.

I don’t share too much of my personal life. My mind is forever on overdrive for my family, friends, the things I love and even despise. Daily, I fight small battles and enjoy victories I never share. Some days I even cry in my defeats, wipe my tears and head to work and tackle my day. There is an ENTIRE world you never see behind that Starbucks cup on Snapchat.

There have been numerous benefits of deleting people, social media, and decluttering my life thoroughly. I got rid of every little substance that didn’t give me joy. I detached myself from materialistic possessions. I cleared out bags and bags of random items from my bedroom. I wanted to feel free. Then I went through my social media and deleted EVERYONE who basically voted for Trump – this kind of petty I enjoyed indulging in briefly. It is nauseating enough to see Bills being passed that effect me directly and then to see those who openly agree to it all is something I could live completely without. Then I deleted social media entirely. I can read the news without people’s unsolicited opinions.

Also, because I wanted to be more productive with my time. In 31 days (do you see a trend?) I found time to read more, write more, declutter and really live that minimal life I wanted. I became self aware of my emotions without all the fake noise that surrounded me. I saved money easily by taking myself out of the mix of seeing what others had. I don’t feel the need to share my thoughts, my memories with others. I get to keep them to myself, something we don’t do enough of.

I also can admit this was kind of a drastic change in lifestyle and perhaps I need to find a balance, to disconnect and still feel connected. But by staying connected to others you can lose some connection with yourself. Valuable time you will never get back. We are taught that being able to multi-task is praise worthy. How can the age of distraction and half assing everything bring value to our life? I finally have self-control and discipline in various aspects of my life. Of course, we have the ability to do so but do we apply ourselves enough?

I want assets in my name, to build an empire, to be successful. And sure, you can do so while having thousands of fake followers watching your every move, but I rather not. Evil eye is very much a thing, and I’ve never believed it before as much as I do now, that being “envious” can strip you from all happiness. And it can be as simple as a momentary question. If you find yourself being jealous and asking, “I wish I had those shoes.” or “I wish I had that job.” Then ask yourself what are YOU doing different to actually obtain those things?

By eliminating, to put eloquently, the bullshit, I have made allowances for actual change. I’m not scrolling through a feed and saying, “man I wish I was traveling, or I wish I was in grad school.” I made it all happen in just a month by ridding myself of excessive commotion.

I starved my distractions to feed my focus. If you want your life to flourish and shift in the right direction, then you must do something completely different.  You must reconstruct your life to fit the vision you have set for yourself. And you don’t need your 1000 friends on Facebook to give you accolades when you get a promotion or get that Instagran like for your #OOTD to validate the fact your outfit is dope. Share those stories with TRUE friends who aren’t jealous of your successes or deep down want you to fail. In the words of Drizzy, we have fake people showing fake love to us… and we continue to accommodate them? We can deny all we want, that we don’t post for people, but it goes back to the question I ask myself often now, “if the world were blind, would I still do this?” A small part of us does want to impress others, and the other half of us indulges in worldly affairs solely for ourselves and to share with those that actually matter. So ask yourself, which part are you feeding?

I deprived my “followers” and found out quickly who truly cared for what I was feeling or thinking. And who cared enough to text me about the Muslim Ban. Who really stood in solidarity with me, not just behind a lousy like.

By feeding my focus I became the most productive and peaceful I have been in a very long time. Insert 300 likes here.